


Into the Arms of Someone

by h_d



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst with a Happy Ending, Epistolary, Fluff and Angst, Homelessness, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-25
Updated: 2015-02-25
Packaged: 2018-03-15 05:59:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3436079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/h_d/pseuds/h_d
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin and Arthur meet while they're both homeless.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Almost Saw the Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written for the [Camelot Drabble](http://camelot-drabble.livejournal.com/) prompt Enamored.

Dear Arthur,

I love you, but—

No one wants to read a letter that starts that way. But there are many things I need to tell you. By the time you've read this, I'll have left London.

I wish I could be the man you deserve, but I'm not. I never will be. The feel of your body next to mine, the touch of your hand, the press of your lips to the back of my neck as you held me close on my grubby mattress—I'll cherish those moments for the rest of my life. Having you in my life, even for a short time, was more than I would ever have dared to hope for. 

But you're not like me, and I'm not like the others you've met here. I lived in the squat because I had nowhere else to go. It wasn't a political statement for me, like it is for Morgause and Mordred, nor did I need to rebel against my family, like you did. I never knew my father, but I loved my mother. When she died, I had nothing.

So I worked, if you can call it that. I'm a rather skilled pickpocket, did you know that? It's how I've fed us both, and it's also how I've saved the money to leave today. Do you remember when we met, and I pulled a fresh tulip from behind your ear? I remember the amazement on your face, and the desire in your eyes. I had simply stolen the tulip from the display at the corner shop and concealed it in my sleeve. None of my tricks were ever anything more than sleight-of-hand. 

But I never stole anything from you. You told me once that I'd stolen your heart, but I assure you, that was never my intention.

From the beginning I knew you were only slumming it with us. I could tell by your shoes. It didn't take long for your clothes to grow as shabby as mine, that's true, but your shoes were expensive. Even now, months later, they're not falling apart. 

I've ripped apart every leather wallet I ever palmed to repair my own shoes, and I've stolen so much glue from craft supply shops that anyone who caught me would no doubt believe I was sniffing it recreationally. I've never cared for drugs, though, any more than you do. It's too easy, on the streets, to lose yourself to them, and before you know it, you have a need even more pressing than hunger or thirst. 

I'll find a new place to sleep in my next city, and I'm sure you'll find someone new to curl around at night. Perhaps you'll find someone who can buy you new clothes, who can help you get your life moving in the direction from which it never should have strayed. I could never fit into your world any more than you belonged in mine. 

I'll always carry my memories of you: your bright hair, shiny even through the grime; your brilliant blue eyes, gazing at me always with patience and understanding. I'll never forget the days you let me hold you as you cried, your broad shoulders shaking. It moved me deeply, to see such a strong and proud man so diminished. 

I want to be the one to build you back up, but I can't, don't you see? I would only hold you back. Someday, some relative of yours will leave you a sizeable inheritance, and you can start your life anew, with someone worth so much more than I am. 

I only hope you can remember me without bitterness, because you'll always be the only constellation in my night sky: a noble warrior, shining in the darkness.

With all of my love,  
Merlin

\-------------

Dearest Merlin,

I don't know if you'll get this letter. Mordred told me that you had a brother in Ealdor, and I've addressed it to him. I hope that your brother will know how to find you.

I felt we knew a lot about each other, but it seems there's more to tell. After my father kicked me out, I had nowhere to go, either. Yes, my shoes are expensive, but they're the only remnant of my former life. 

I disagree with your estimation of yourself, but I did know you were a pickpocket. Many times, I saw you distracting tourists in order to grab their valuables. I don't mind. It says nothing about your character, apart from demonstrating your resourcefulness. 

I slept on a park bench for my first week, until you found me. The bright red tulip you seemed to conjure—and yes, you did conjure it, despite your explanation that your magic is only ordinary—was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen, until I looked into your eyes. I was enamoured at their loveliness, at the crinkles in the corners. You were smiling at me, I was shocked to realise. I mattered to you, even though I was only a smelly stranger. 

It had been far longer than that week of homelessness since anyone had looked at me that way. My father wanted things for me that I couldn't give him. He expected me to work 80-hour weeks, and he insisted that I marry the daughter of his business rival. When I explained to him that I could never marry anyone I didn't love, he fired me. 

I'm bi, not gay, as you know, but the thought of being shackled to someone my father had chosen for me was more than I could bear. Since he paid the rent on my flat, I had little choice but to leave. You may call my actions rebellious if you wish, but it's more important to me than I can fully explain to live as my own man.

I considered prostitution, and I suppose I have the physique for porn, but sex with strangers in any capacity repulses me. I wanted to find someone I loved, someone who loved me, and build a life with him or her. I thought I had.

Every night, you took me to hide in the alleys behind the bakeries, waiting for them to toss out their day-old pastries. Those treats were more delicious to me than the finest cakes served at my father's soirées. Your face lit up with delight as you bit into an apple turnover or a raspberry rugelach, and you grinned broadly as you shared your favourites with me. I fell more deeply in love with you every time I witnessed your pleasure, and I absolutely melted at your generosity.

Please, Merlin, come back to me. Whatever burdens we have, we can carry them together. I'm still living in the squat, and Mordred has taken to crawling into the bed you and I once shared. I don't at all enjoy being close to him; I think of him only as a younger brother, although I know he'd like us to become lovers. 

What are your dreams, Merlin? I have dreams of my own, of helping homeless youth from falling into drugs and prostitution against their will. Until then, I can work at a menial job so that I can afford to share a flat with you. A skilled street magician can make a good bit of money, at least during the warmer months; if you prefer to continue pickpocketing, that would be fine with me, too. If you have a creative hobby you'd rather pursue, such as painting or writing, we can make that work. We can take care of each other. I'd do anything for that opportunity. I simply can't sleep without you next to me. 

I hope this letter reaches you. If our relationship really has come to an end, I'll survive. I just know that life has much more to offer both of us than the empty existence you described. And I know we can face anything, together. Please reply to me, if you can.

With love and hope,  
Arthur


	2. Too Good to Believe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written for the [Camelot Drabble](http://camelot-drabble.livejournal.com/) prompt Embrace.

Dear Arthur,

Will tracked me down last week and gave me your letter. I've asked him to deliver this response, and I sincerely hope he'll be able to find you. I described you, as well as Mordred and Morgause, and I told him of a few places he might find one of you.

I didn't believe—I never imagined the things you spoke of. I'm still not sure if I can imagine them, but I'm trying. I'm trying so hard, Arthur.

I know I haven't underestimated myself, but I definitely underestimated you. You have so much love to give. 

You asked me about my dreams, but the truth is that I haven't dreamed of anything but comfort in many years. The comfort of your love kept me in London for far longer than I should have stayed. 

I want warmth, feather pillows, soft blankets. I want a new pair of trousers, ones that don't have holes that show off my knobbly knees for the whole world to laugh at. I want a brand-new pair of shoes, and at least one pair of socks. I've been taking a shower almost every day now, but without socks, my feet get quite smelly. If you were here, I'd wave them in your face until you laughed and smacked them away. 

I want more than a bakery's castoffs, for both of us. And I'm sorry to ruin a fond memory for you, but I don't even like apple turnovers. 

I still know that I'm not the best choice for you, but I'm selfish, Arthur. I've never missed anyone the way I miss you. As awful as it is to be apart from you, though, keeping you in squalor just because you love me would be even worse. 

But okay. I'm willing to try your mad plan, if you haven't yet come to your senses about me. I'm in Brighton, squatting in an empty rental cottage. There's a new mattress, on a real frame, and a working bathroom. I won't be able to stay here much longer, but if you come, maybe we can find a room to rent. I have a little extra money right now. 

Or we can go to another city. It doesn't matter to me. I've never had a place to call home, except for the few short months I spent in your embrace.

You can find me outside the entrance to Brighton Pier, any afternoon. Most days, I perform magic tricks, rather than stealing from the tourists. Being able to wash up seems to earn me a bit more cash, and the haul is a little better than it is from pickpocketing. I know you said what I do to earn a living doesn't matter to you, but I am less miserable when I can do honest work. 

I do hope you'll come, but please know that it won't be any easier for us here than it was in London. 

I'm so sorry, Arthur. It was wrong of me to dismiss your situation as the result of a youthful rebellion. I didn't mean any of that; I was just trying to push you away. I'm so glad that I didn't succeed. I'll do my best never to hurt you again.

Love,  
Merlin

\------------

[one year and six months later]

\------------

Dear Merlin,

I hope your shift tonight was uneventful. You know how much I like the muscles you've built up since you started the cargo-loading job, but I hope you can find different work soon. If your back is aching again when you get in, please wake me and I'll give you a massage. The gift shop got in some new lotion today. Nice to have an employee discount there. I don't think you'll mind the scent this time—sandalwood, not that awful floral stuff again. 

Turn this note over and list any groceries you want me to pick up after my shift tomorrow. With the overtime you've picked up lately, we have enough money in our account for a real grocery run. We definitely won't have to do ramen all month again. 

So, I know we need milk and a loaf of bread. Maybe some raisin bread would be good this time, yeah? Oh, and do you want any more of those cheese & onion crisps you like? 

I'm going to plug in the electric blanket for you before I go to sleep, but please do try to keep it on your side of the bed tonight. I get so sweaty when you use it. Or better yet, wake me so that we can make love instead. We both know I'm far better at warming you up. I don't have to be at work until noon tomorrow, so unless you're completely fatigued yourself, don't worry about the time. 

Arthur xx

\------------

Arthur, my love,

I never, ever thought the day would come when we could buy not only everything we needed, but almost anything we wanted. I'm standing here in the kitchen, tired but happy, crying over the thought of cheese & onion crisps, of all things. 

These days, the only dark thought that haunts me is the fear that I'll never be able to thank you as thoroughly as you deserve for all that you've done for me. I can only say that I love you with all that I am. 

But words really aren't enough, are they? I'm hurrying to the bedroom now to attempt to show you my gratitude.

Yours always,  
Merlin

P.S. I've just noticed that my silly tears have smudged this note. Sorry. And yes, raisin bread sounds perfect.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Inspiration, title, and chapter titles are from these songs: [Queens of the Stone Age - In the Fade](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r2mybZ3KT2E), [Mark Lanegan - Shooting Gallery](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18dZdWIIP6w), and [Mark Lanegan - Sunrise](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OpDFhyb0tWw).


End file.
